22nd Valentine’s Day


“What is the secret to being happily married for 22 years?”

This is a question I have been asked recently, and as we celebrate Valentine’s Day this week, here’s one suggestion I feel can help you keep The Promise to the one you love.

If you know your spouse has a Favorite Thing, then do all you possibly can to always do that favorite thing. 

I’m sorry if your wife’s favorite thing is expensive jewelry, or your husband’s favorite thing is bowling. I’m not talking about shopping, hobbies, or something that can be done without them.

I’m talking about SERVICE to the person you love. 

My wife?

All she wants is…

a back rub.

When we were dating, I found out quickly this was her favorite thing, a simple back rub.

When we had 4 kids in 5 years, I don’t recall ever falling asleep before giving her a back rub to help her sleep, as she was in so much pain for so long.

There have been great stretches where I have forgotten to give her a back rub just because we are tired, or I’m lazy, or I forget altogether.

I’ve found having the phone in bed with me at night also prevents me from giving her a back rub, and lately have noticed she will fall asleep while I’m looking at my phone.

That’s not good!

That’s being a non-present husband.

That’s the quickest way to having a bad relationship.

Nietzsche said, “We fail to keep our promises mostly because we forgot we made them”. 

I promised myself when we were married that I would always rub her back, as a simple way of actively saying I Love You.

When I make it a point to rub her back, our marriage is happier, and I’ve kept The Promise.

It’s one of my most important Signature Moves as a husband!

When she falls asleep to a back rub, she wakes up more rested, she feels grateful, and our family life is brighter.

She doesn’t penalize me when I forget, but there’s just a little glimmer of joy that is missing in our marriage when I don’t do that.

Who wants less tranquility due to our own lack of action?

If I know what makes her happy, why would I not do that as often, and consistently, as possible? 

Want a happier marriage?

Start a new tradition this Valentine’s Day!

Sit down, confirm what each other’s favorite things are, make time, and give effort, to do them every chance you get!

Have a Happy Valentine’s Day, and I promise you, if you will do your spouse’s favorite thing every day, it’s pretty darn hard to have a bad relationship in the love of service to one another.

What do you do for your Love that is their favorite thing?



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6 thoughts on “22nd Valentine’s Day”

  1. Beautiful post, Raptor Man!

    Love your story and this quotation by Nietzsche: “We fail to keep our promises mostly because we forgot we made them”.

    Indeed, stated in the constructive, “We keep our promises best, simply by remembering the promises we made — and why we made them!”

    Thanks for giving me something great to read on a rainy Sunday morning!


  2. My wife’s favorite things are a back massage and tickling her feet. I just realized that I haven’t offered to do either in awhile. I will change that tonight, and especially on Valentine’s Day

  3. Decades ago my husband told me how important it was that the bathroom was clean. We had seven kids, four of them boys. I have kept the bathroom cleaned every since. I don’t even know if this still matters to him but after decades I keep doing it. : )

    1. You are amazing. This is The Promise in action and love, quiet service to home and relationship. Well done my friend.

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